USS Kickstart

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CPP Potkustartti
Kickstartep2.jpg
As seen in The Old Shit
Production information
Model: Cruiser
Class: Constipation
Technical specifications
Maximum speed: Twist-7
Travel speed: Twist-4
Engine(s): Shove engine (2)

Twist drive

Power source: Batteries
Armament: Twinkler (3)

Light ball launcher (2)

Escape craft: Space sled
Crew: 100
Communication system: P-Fleet comm. system

Telly

Other systems: Coffee-o-Matic

Sucking beam (2) Manual dynamo

Red Alert

Usage
Role: Battleship

Scout ship

Affiliation: P-Republic
  • P-Fleet
Captain: James B. Pirk

The USS/ CPP Kickstart (Finn. USS/ CPP Potkustartti) was a P-Fleet starship under the command of Captain James B. Pirk. It participated in the Battle in Earth's orbit, and in the Battle of Fibula Sector, among possible others. It was destroyed shortly after the collision with the Plingon Battlebruiser due to an antimaterial gas leak.

Characteristics[edit | edit source]

The USS Kickstart was P-Fleet Constipation Class Cruiser. Among its more prominent quarters were the bridge, the Aft-10 Lounge, and the Captain's quarters.

Other equipment[edit | edit source]

The ship carried at least three space sleds, which were used for short-distance transportation, or for evacuation in the event of the ship's destruction.

Service Record[edit | edit source]

While it is uncertain when James B. Pirk was assigned to the position of the Kickstart's captain, it can be assumed to have happened in 2352. Under his command, the Kickstart was sent on a five-month mission "To seek out lebensraum for humanity and to destroy all enemies. To boldly blow up enemies where sane men fear to tread". During this time, the Kickstart thwarted a rogue Plingon flotilla's attack on Earth, saving the USS Excessive in the process. Later it was sent to seek and destroy any enemies in the Fibula Sector, which resulted in a battle with another Plingon flotilla. Despite winning, the Kickstart was badly damaged and blew up shortly thereafter, with the surviving crew evacuating aboard space sleds.

Crew[edit | edit source]

Issues[edit | edit source]

Due to P-Fleet's sub-par financing, the Kickstart's two weapons systems could not be fired at the same time. Additionally, the weapons terminal constantly malfunctioned to the point of overheating or its buttons being stuck. Interestingly enough the computer panel was liquid-proof. At the same time, running the ship's Red Alert alarm in unison with other systems would cause battery overloads.

Trivia[edit | edit source]

The Kickstart is a parody of Starship Enterprise, more specifically of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701).

Seen In[edit | edit source]